Hello, I am darren james, I am the creator of alienscreamingintoacan.com
My 20 years of living has prepared me for this.
it all started when I was born, in which I from my mothers womb screaming, this I believed was the start of my life
since then, I grew up in the city of Osnabrück, where I enjoyed delights such as food and water.
starting in school was a stressfull time for me, for there was no food and water, well there was, but it made my tummy hurt
I wished I could scream all my frustrations....... then it hit me, as in the bully, the bully hit me
ow
wincing in pain, I realised, I was in pain, and it hurt, being in pain, so therefore, I was in pain........
ow
Then, as I grew, I met someone called mr stewart, he said stewart, then it hit me, the bully, the bully hit me again
but this time with words, he made fun of my mother, for some reason, some sort of liquid started coming out of my eyes
they were.... tears.... in.... the... rain
but not for me, for the bully, because I told on him
and then it hit me, my father...... said kind words to me, and then it hit me, my mother
no she actually hit me, it really hurt
ow
I started working out in my room, I was going to beat them all, so I did 1 pushup, then another,then got tired
then ate a magnum and went to bed, for this horrid exercise will eventually prove its worth
4 months after the 2 push ups, I couldnt see a difference with my body, I thought working out would of made me fitter
the world had lied to me once again
damn the world...... NO MORE
I was planning my revenge on the world, and then this guy came up on my recommended on youtube, lowgan pool
he promised this thing called "epic face infinite money glitch coin", saying it would make 1 bazillion percent return
aswell he said it would fix my life, fix my wife (i didnt have a wife), fix my muscles, it would also beat up your abusive mother
I met him irl(in real life), to discuss the coin, he stole my heart..... I was in the hospital for a week, luckily a transplant came
damn the world....... NO MORE
I watched this inspirational documentary called despicable me, it taught me, that I could rule this world, and all I needed
was a banana
and a evil superboss named grew
so I explored my street, looking for a superboss named grew, and I met this kid called sally, close enough, I commenced my new plans
we decided we will go to school and do tomfoolery, such as saying guess what to someone, and then they say yeah back, but you dont reply
this makes them look moronic and stupid, and therefore damages there ego, then henceforth damages there success in there future
I did it to my teacher, then it hit me, this prank has failed, for they didnt respond and just looked at me with evil eyes
then I went home and slept because I was tired
then I started going to college, my a level subjects were self offense, self defense and discord
I learned all the martial arts, such as JB, rodie and vinnifer, I then proceeded to beat up many people
after getting out of kid prison for child abuse, I became a changed man, because I was tired, so I went to sleep
then I moved to a new city, called goth-thumb, it seemed dangerous, but I knew with my insane power, I could survive this....
so I got a job as a bouncer, as in I jumped on trampolines to test them out, they went boing, it was pretty fun, but then...
this guy called the jowcur came up to me and called me a scallywag, I instantly killed him, hes dead, my self offense classes
paid off, but it wasnt able to pay off the bail, so I was in kid prison once again...........................................
goth-thumb kid prison was called arc-ham asloomay, and it was hardcore, you only had 15 minutes to finish your apple juice..
I got a girlfriend there, she was kind and pretty, but then this guy called nerrad could run faster than me, so she dated him instead
I was hardbroken, I loved her, so I worked out again, I did 1 pushup, I did 2 pushups, In my anger, I even did a third.
I got tired and went to sleep.
I got out of kid prison for murder after 2 days, after leaving prison I looked for a new job, but they for some reason didnt want to hire me.
then this guy called rohit went up to me, he gave me a kiss on the cheek and said everything will be ok, he then floated into the air.
I was inspired to make something of my self, someone went up to me and asked if I could show them where the nearest supermarket was
I killed them instantly, then I became 18, so I went to big boy prison
In prison I meet mr powerful, I kill him instantly, then I meet mr weak and innocent, I kill him instantly, My friend walks up to me, I kissed him instantly
then I killed him instantly, I got put into solitude.
I killed it instantly, nothing could contain my power, I was a omnipotent god, I will destroy all, for the revenge, then it hit me
the bully hit me, it hurt
ow
I exited out of prison after 7 days for mass murder, I felt like the world was a different place, there were these new things called "fidget spinners"
I killed it instantly.
then it hit me, my mother, she said I was a dissapointment, and a disgrace to the james family name.
I killed her with a bit of a delay, it was a long battle, one that I remainded victorious....
then it hit me.... my "epic face infinite money glitch coin" has gained a 1 bazillion percent profit, it gave me the money to make my dreams come true
I killed it instantly, the money, it was gone, I was a bit sad. why do I do this? why do I cause so much harm, its because im too strong thanks to my self offense classes
I did negative 1 pushup, I did negative 2 pushup, I did negative 3 pushup, I did negative 4 pushup, I did negative 5 pushup, I have now erased my power, I was tired.
I went to bed
When I woke up I was still strong, I wondered what my strength relied on, what made me so powerful, then I realised, I had a good bed time sleep, I was snug as a bug in a rug....
I woke up on the good side of the bed, with the recommended 8-9 hours of sleep, I had a warm waterbottle aswell as cleen sheets, I needed to erase this immediately.....
I looked at my bed. I killed it instantly.
I felt weak, but strong minded, this was going to be my glow up.... then it hit me, my father, my body crumpled instantly, he was upset that I killed his wife, I then said a monologue to him
"yo she was kinda rude"
he was like fair enough, and we then drank some meatloaf, we were fulfilled, then it hit us, the bully, he had inherited my power, for he took a self offense course online.....
he said he always finishes his fights, so he started beating me up, my father tried to get a hit on him, but the bully dodge and hit my father so hard he exploded, he was near death
I ran up to him, the bully decided to stop for plot purposes, I held my fathers hand and he looked at me and said "can you get milk tomorrow, we are out" and then he passed away
the bully laughed, but then I looked at him with tear filled eyes, these were tears..... in...the...rain...(my house had a leak)
we started a fight, but due to my weakness from a bad nights sleep, and his strength from the 10 minute course on self offense, I was losing rapidly, he punched me in my stomach again and again
the fight was so violent it was brought to my parents bedroom, I was near my bed, and at precisely 10:30pm he punched me in the face, and knocked me out....
I fell on the bed, and the covers covered me, a hot waterbottle was flung from the impact into my arms, and the bully decided, that he will wait till I wake up from being knocked out, to finish me while im sentient
he waited for 7-9 hours, and I woke up, but something was different
I had a good nights sleep
I flew in the air and looked at him with anger, I decided to create his death. I grabbed his throat and said "I had a good nights sleep.... lights out" KAPOW, I killed him instantly.
I then thought it would be funny to make a website called alienscreamingintoacan.com, where a alien screams into a can.